Colours and Light | Created by Alex Wain

I’ve been laughing at lot this morning.

It’s all thanks for my recent discovery of a band called “Millionaires” who have pretty much hands down got my vote, for worst band of 2009. A shocking mish-mash of Photoshop solar flares, fluro animated GIFs, embarrassing attempts at make-up, plastic props and lyrics so inane, they make Britney seem like a wordsmith.

And I haven’t even begun to describe what they sound like. It’s probably best that I don’t, for fear of scaring you off actually. Or you could summon the strength to check out their clips below, I promise it will make your day. In fact, the only way these characters would make money, is by going on partypoker.com because I can’t understand how anyone who is sound of hearing, would buy their music .

I’m a fan of a well-crafted pop song, I have nothing against the novelty and inherent obsolescence that pop music bring to the world of music. But even so, there is fun light-hearted catchy pop and then there are those horribly mis-guided attempts at being credible and semi-talented. This is the latter.

Now before we get started,  these are the ACTUAL lyrics for their song called “ALCOHOL” (Which I might add, they very thoughtfully spell out for you during the song).

Ladies, take it away :-

MILLIONAIRES – ALCOHOL LYRICS:

Friday night it’s time to party
Drop it down and get real naughty
Girls talk shit, we don’t care
We’ll take off our underwear!

Come get fucked up!
Give me my alcohol
Let’s get fucked up!
A-L-C-O-H-O-L

All these boys are drinking ale
And we bust out White Zinfandel!
Yeah we’re getting pretty trashed
But these boys ain’t gettin any ass

Drink every drink that could be tasted
Look at us, we’re fuckin wasted
We stumble, mumble, no one cares
Just cause we’re the MILLIONAIRES!

Teen binge-drinking never sounded so enticing did it? And just in case you think this is actually all I joke (I admit it, I did originally) here is the video they made to accompany the song.

(If you can’t see it below, watch it here)

“ALCOHOL” Official Music Video by The Millionaires

They have over 200,000 friends on MySpace, which is rather frightening to me – I for one didn’t think it was possible for 200,000 people to have such shocking taste in music haha.  They even make The Veronica’s seem credible in comparison.

But it doesn’t end there, a few days ago they just posted a BRAND NEW VIDEO for their new single ‘Just Got Paid’ and guess what, it’s the ‘Directors Cut’ .

Now, as you can imagine, I could hardly contain my excitement. The photo above, complete with the fake monkey, plastic dollar signs, cheap-ass binki’s and fake chalice (encrusted with top of the range plastic diamonds) only served as a mere preview of the utter atrocity set to unfold.

And just when you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse, well it just did. Here’s their second attempt at a music video. (If you can’t see it below, watch it here)

Millionaires – Just Got Paid – Director’s Cut

MILLIONAIRES – JUST GOT PAID LYRICS:

Cause I just paid!
Lets get laid!

I dropped 2 stacks on this dress & it’s comin off later
With a pro skater or maybe with this waiter
And he said we’ll head home popping bottles of Patrone
With my tone on his phone all the callers unknown

Can you believe I get paid to shake my ass on stage
We’re getting drunk errrrrryday you’re makin minimum wage
We live the life you wish bitch don’t say shit!
No talent just lucky but they stilllll wanna fuck meeEEH!

So what have we learnt today? That 3 talent free girls, enjoy getting utterly inebriated and desperately seek to get laid when it comes to payday. Awesome.

Strangely enough, those two scenarios are often connected. You can always tell when it’s payday in the city, people go out, get drunk and in doing so (and with beer goggles in full effect) tend to hook up with other blurred eyed randoms.

Maybe I’m underestimating the “Millionaires“? Maybe it’s all part of an elaborate ploy on their part? A social commentary on the effects of alcohol, cash in your account and unattractive people having sex? Broken down into two horrifying videos and a wave of ridiculous photos?

Who knows? But one thing I am sure of, there will be few bands in 2009 able to knock them off their lofty status as frankly THE worst band of the year.

Alex