Colours and Light | Created by Alex Wain

We’re supposed to be living in a technological age where everything is getting smaller, faster, cheaper, leaner, effortlessly intuitive and (thanks to corporations wanting to appease consumers) greener.

In fact I’m of the opinion that any moment now, Apple will launch a brand new iPhone, one so small, thin and sleek, that it’s invisible to the naked eye.

It will be AMMMAAAAAAZING.

Of course though, there is always one which refuses to play ball, runs truant and ignores the rules of innovation and change. This particularly unlikeable character, munches on an entire rain-forest at will, effortless induces outbursts of utter rage and manic violence from the calmest and most serene of people and in fact seems to be getting BIGGER as time ticks on.

Ah yes, the trusty office printer.

Originally heralded as the King Of Communication back in the 90’s as it brashly tossed aside the humble fax machine from its administrative throne.

The once poster boy of the office, however, is now the over-weight, passive aggressive and awkward looking kid brimming with issues that nobody wants to be friends with.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not the biggest fan of these ungainly, bulky and antiquated monsters of old. I can’t really understand them – literally.

They seem to forever spew forth an endless procession of error codes, abrasive beeps and misleading recommendations whilst grumpily sitting in the corner.

“Error Code 845: Paper allotment low. See tray 7″
(Despite, tray 7 to be filled with 80%  paper.)

“Error Message 845: Static char *usblp_messages[] = { “ok”, “on fire”" }”
(WTF? Does that even MEAN?)

“Error Message 212: Your password must be at least 19,630 characters and cannot be a duplicate of your previous 39, 689 passwords”
(Thanks for reminding me, I would have forgotten otherwise.)

“Error Message 561: The error was not serious enough to justify halting the operation.”
(Oh that’s ok then, nice to know. I feel more at ease now, knowing that something has gone wrong, but that it wasn’t drastic enough to detract from the outcome.)

And finally, there’s even the classic error message, that wasn’t even your fault.

Innocently you wander over to print out your travel details (because you apparently prefer to have a hard copy to read off – wah?) merely to find that there is a malfunction created by someone else, who has since secretly slunk away.

All of these errors, it seems they can only be decipher by one man. Your local printer technician called Bob, who will arrive sometime in September 2012 to fix things.

Upon his arrival, he will begrudgingly break out his toolbox (which contains an allen key, stickytape and a pencil) and after 4 hours of fumbling away, he’ll promptly stand up, dust his palms together and go ” She’s not working. I’ll need to order parts.”

He’ll then take the liberty of charging you $576.50 for merely telling you what you already know, that essentially your “printer” is a piece of shit.

All the evidence points to one central question, why do we even HAVE printers?

Have people never heard of the Internet and the trusty PDF?

Think about it, do we REALLY need 10 people sitting around a boardroom, each with their own colourful 70-page PowerPoint print out, casually flicking through it, pretending to be interested, before duly launching them unread into the bin?

I noticed a catchy little ditty on someones e-mail signature recently, it read “Go green, read from the screen.”

It made me think – the sheer space and size, maintenance and cost, rising stress levels amongst employees, endless toner cartridges & paper jams, sticky labels, call out fees and daily refills of rain-forest – surely cannot justify the need to “print” a single e-mail….can it?

Before I go, I want you to know, that when it comes to the universally loved printer – those boys from Office Space got it spot on, actions speak louder than words

Speak Soon
Alex