So 5 days and 1,926 kilometers later, my whirlwind holiday with my partner in crime, the one and only Yummy Yasmin, has sadly come to an end – boooo!. (This is why I went down)
But there’s much to celebrate, in fact, so much happened in such a short space of time, that I’m desperately writing it all down to share it with you, before I forget some of the situations and highlights, in what was a frenetic and fun few days.
(I’m going to split the trip into two blog entries, because otherwise we’ll both be here all day. So think of this as the first act, with the second act to follow in a few days.)
Now for anyone that has flown to Melbourne from Sydney, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, but no sooner had we taken off from Sydney’s domestic terminal, we landed in Melbourne!
One of the shortest and thankfully smoothest flights I’ve ever been on (and trust me I’ve spent a bit of time whizzing around in the air) quite why anyone would consider driving for 12 hours in a crammed car, crawling along the motorway, when it’s nearly as cheap, certainly a lot easier easy and much faster to fly is any-one’s guess.
I was really impressed with Virgin Blue as whole and the longstanding cliche of their attractive, tall, slim blond air-hostess certainly got a chuckle out of me. Quite how Mr Richard Branson gets around workplace discrimination I’ll never know, but hey for eye-candy value alone, you certainly won’t hear me complaining.
During our stay, home for the next 72 hours, would be the 5 -Star Como Hotel in South Yarra, situated no less than on one of the main shopping areas in Melbourne, Chapel Street.
I’ve been to Melbourne a few times, yet never been to South Yarra before. What I’d been told held true, it’s undeniably an affluent area, similar to Paddington / Woolahra in Sydney, with lots of boutique shops, filled with lots of upper and middle class Caucasian people, all looking rather fashionable, the chaps with their Ray Bans, the ladies direct from the salon with their freshly styled hair.
The wah? Who? Erm....
And yet for all the obvious money on display, the locals fluttered past displaying an air of confidence, without ever coming close to being pretentious – which was both refreshing and rarely seen in Sydney. They didn’t seem to have to prove a point, maybe the notion that Melbourne has an inferiority complex, is merely a myth?
Chapel Street is actually a really long stretch of shops that spans several different suburbs. When you’re leaving one and crossing over into another, you can immediately feel the entire aesthetic of the area change literally from one meter to the next. High fashion outlets, suddenly morph into second hand bookstores, whilst the Prada shoes which once tapped on the sidewalk next to you, become replaced with the flip flop echo of a pair of Havana’s.
Life imitating art
One particular shop, was a Halloween store, or rather a store which pretty much had every sort of Halloween inspired, witchy, spooky, gothic attire ones little black heart could desire. It also had some fucking HUGE replica spiders dangling from various devices throughout the shop.
However, they were all unbeknown to me as I walked in (you can see where this is going right?). I turned around only to be confronted with a ginormous black hairy tarantula, legs fanned out on the ledge next to me! It was so big, heavy and bulky in its appearance, it could have literally have been used as a doorstop!
If I went to burgle a house and was confronted with that on the floor as I opened the door, rest assured I would be a mere dot disappearing over the horizon!
Rather worryingly, out of the corner of my eye, I could see another one dangling in the center of a web and to my utter horror within seconds, I started seeing them all around the shop, yes it turns out, I was literally surround by a den of large black threatening spiders in all shapes and sizes. Some where hairy, some had fangs, some were in webs and some were made of shiny black rubber.
It was the stuff of nightmares, honestly.
I’m not ashamed to admit, I have a genuine phobia of spiders, anyone who knows me well, is aware that I simply can’t handle being near them, real or not. Upon the realisation that I was almost certainly surrounded by the damn things, the room started spinning and I felt suddenly out of breath, so I closed my eyes stumbling towards the exit, fearing that I might be confronted with even more, as I made my escape.
I was so stressed out by the whole ordeal, I literally had to sit on the street for a few minutes to catch my breath and regain some semblance of composure 
It got me thinking, though, that there should be warning signs in shops like that, for people who suffer from the very real fear of arachnophobia?
When you going to concert or a exhibit that uses strobe lights, people with epilepsy are given advanced warning, am I right? So if you have a phobia of a certain creature (and I think a high proportion of people have a strong fear of or keen dislike for spiders in general anyway), don’t you think a shop which sells them or their likeness, should providing warnings as well?
I know if they had, I wouldn’t have had to endure such a panic attack.
Yet strangely enough, it’s moments like this, which holidays are made up of, for better or worse. But, as you can imagine, I shan’t be revisiting that shop anytime soon.
Later that night, before the first of 2 Marilyn Manson shows at the festival hall, we went to an All-American themed diner called ‘Sodarock’. When I say “All-American” it genuinely was, old-skool jukebox machines blaring out 1960′s swing, a life sized Elvis Presley and amusingly enough, they even served “Spiders” (2 scoops of vanilla-ice cream into a flavored soda) on the menu.
But the real highlight of the experience came half way through our meal, when the entire staff of the restaurant suddenly leaped from behind the counter and promptly started to dance in unison to ‘Shake Your Tailfeather’ by Ray Charles & Blues Brothers Band.
Clearly rehearsed, it never the less had the entire restaurant grinning from ear to ear (myself included) in apparent confusion and surprise. Synchronized, dancing 1960′s waitress’s, rounds of applause and a yummy meal who would have thought?
Now, as you know, the main reason I flew to Melbourne, was to see Marilyn Manson on tour (dedicated fan I know!) I actually ended up seeing him 4 times in 5 days.
Marilyn Manson On Tour 2009
Melbourne Festival Hall Saturday October 10th 2009 (sold out)
Melbourne Festival Hall Saturday October 11th 2009
Sydney Enmore Theatre Tuesday October 13th 2009
Sydney The Hordern Pavillion October 14th (sold out)
Now I don’t want to bore you with all the details, if you’re not a fan, little of it will make much sense anyway, SO here’s a summary spanning the 4 shows, otherwise I’ll be here all day haha.
1. Melbourne crowds are vastly different to Sydney ones. Much more subdued and docile. In fact, most of them seem to be utterly obsessed with taking photos of themselves during the show, than actually watching it.
2. The Festival Hall in Melbourne, has a really shit P.A. system, the whole venue actually reminded me of a sports gymnasium
3. The best show by a long long way, was the final one I saw at the Hordern Pavillion. Best crowd, strong performance and decent sound.
4. He’s certainly done better tours, but I did like the striped back approach this time. More about the music, less about the theatrics.
5. Decent setlist, would have liked to have heard something from The Golden Age of Grotesque album though.
6. He’s still got it and for the most part, was in good spirits “You do realize Melbourne, that I am the man, with the golden dick?” haha although he is looking a little older now. He’s certainly not over-weight, as the press may have lead you to believe – trust me, I got a good look being so close to the front of the stage 
7. Standout track of the entire tour strangely enough, was Dope Show, crowd loved it on all 4 occasions. Lowlight, the rather flat version of Tourniquet at both Melbourne shows and ridiculously over-priced merch. $125 for a hoodie, wah?
8. He played one less song at both Sydney shows. So Melbourne, I guess you got more value of money! Tourniquet, was left out (and not replaced either) at both Sydney shows, not sure why.
9. Twiggy was awesome as usual.
10. The Sydney crowds had more energy, made more noise and had a much bigger and better mosh.
Finally, here’s some photos from Melbourne and here’s a playlist I put together, featuring some of my favorite tracks.
After the 1st show, Yasmin and I headed back to the city, on a mission to find a nice bar to see out the night with. Whilst it’s clearly a tourist destination, some of the bars and restaurants at the Crown Casino Complex are actually really good, and with a view on the Yarra River complete with soft city lighting, they turn out to be perfect place to end an evening.
Decisions, decisions....
We ended up going to a little place called Nobu where we had some rather yummy cocktails, I can’t for the life of me remember what was in them, but I do remember thinking I could pretty much drink them for eternity they were that good. It was quite funny really, going from the hooded PVC gothic hordes of the concert with their plastic cups of VB, to the sharp suits and dim lighting of one of Melbourne’s finest cocktail lounges. Nobu then, two thumbs up from me.
After that, it was back to the hotel for an amazing spa bath, THE perfect way to end the day. I really wish I had one of those in my own house, ah the novelty of hotels – I could have stayed in that spa forever after spending nearly 16 hours on my feet all day.
So there you have it, day one, easy flight, the beautiful people, dancing waiters, spiders of vengeance, sweaty goths, lip smackin’ cocktails and walks along the Yarra River at night.
Now if you thought that was decent first day, wait until I post my review & photos from the second day. A Trip To Melbourne – Act 2, will follow soon.
Until then, isn’t it about time that YOU booked a holiday? Go on, after reading all that, you know you want to haha.
