Cameras, video cameras and even projectors were a staple of my childhood – my Dad was always a keen photographer, he took some truly stunning black and white shots of my Mum during the early years of their marriage, way back in the 1970s – some of which I’ve only just seen. And as a kid I always remember there being a heavy camera with a dense a robust lens on many an office or coffee table.

There were also numerous times when the video camera (arguably the size of bazooka at the time) was blinking it’s red light at me, recording various high school Christmas Nativity plays (I was usually a Shepard) or when I was skiing in Europe, clad in an embarrassing puffy shell-suit, comprised entirely of a shocking array of 80’s fluro colours.

I vividly remember Santa giving me one of those fantastic toy cameras (originally called The Viewmaster), where you would click and it clacked a new image in front of your eyes. I honestly thought it was the coolest thing ever, to the point where I deluded myself into believing I was taking a new photo each time (despite the reality of it continuously cycling through the same 10 photos) regardless of what was ACTUALLY in front of me.

The 10 pictures came on a card disc and were rather like the negatives you used to get with your photos using a 35mm camera. Each image was then magnified when you looked through the viewer, so that as a kid they appeared as large as a TV-sized image. It was certainly better than any Kaleidoscope I’d ever had, even if it was limited to a few photos. It made an awesome sound too.

I didn’t get my own “real” camera until middle school, which funnily enough I won in the school raffle. I remember it was painted silver and it looked really expensive, but when I was given it, I was bitterly disappointed because unlike all the cameras I’d seen at home, this one was a light-weight, made of  nasty plastic, with a cheap airbrushed silver look, a no-name brand that didn’t even have a flash.

Fast forward a few decades and I’d gone through a few digital cameras, always handy to capture parties and friends – but nothing that would really capture moments as it were. I use to pull some decent shots from my old Canon IXUS but nothing that I would ever call close to being “professional”.

So in late 2009, I invested in a Canon Digital SLR – several weeks rent, well spent as they say.

Since then, I’ve been putting it to good use and the definition and colour of my photos has come on in leaps and bounds. The difference is quite remarkable at times, even if the photos themselves aren’t always living up to the capabilities of the device itself.

I would never classify myself as a photographer, I’m acutely aware of my technical limitations and utter naivety about what makes a good photo. There are so many truly inspirational photographers out there in the world, who operate on an entirely different level, capturing images that defy logic and take your breath away. Photos that us mere mortals, could only ever dream of taking.

If you read this blog regularly, you’ll know that 2010 has been an incredibly dramatic year for me. But along the way, I’ve had my camera by side – documenting it all, even at some of the most inopportune moments. I think that is what photography should be about, being bold, harnessing a sense of occasion and revealing elements of the world around us, which we are normally blind to or simply take for granted.

With these images below, I hope you’re able to get some insight into the journey I’ve been on thus far, the places I’ve experienced and the emotions I’ve lived through since the start of 2010.

From each of the places I’ve been to, I’ve selected photos of personal significance or simply because I liked the shot.

Simply click on any image to view the rest of the photos in that album, or view the entire collection on my Flickr page.

I hope you enjoy these photos, notice their faults, see their strengths and let the feelings and emotions I tried to convey in each, resonate with you.

Even now, some of these are hard for me to look at, but I think that’s why I took them to begin with.

NORFOLK , UNITED KINGDOM MARCH (2010)

BARCELONA, SPAIN MARCH (2010)

AUTUMN IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA (2010)

HOLIDAY IN KIAMA, SYDNEY AUSTRALIA APRIL (2010)

MELBOURNE CITY, AUSTRALIA MAY (2010)

Alex

Wow so i last checked in here, was way back on February 15th – that’s 58 days ago to be precise.

But what 58 days they have been.

Spanning 4 different countries, over 20,000km, soaked in tears, immersed in laughter and joined together by seemingly countless airport lounges, surreal situations and mixed with a healthy dose of syncronicity. It has proved to be without question, one of the most dramatic periods in my life, a sharp shifting of focus and a stern reminder that change, with all it’s trappings of fear, excitement and unknown, is inevitable.

I don’t really know where or how I can begin, because in my mind, to truly grasp the enormity of the past 58 days, you’d have to have stood in my shoes, juggling with a whirlwind of emotions each and every second, finding yourself at a loss to explain any of it.

But I suppose one should start attempt to start at the beginning, So it is from here, that I shall try my best to sum up this series of unusual and unexpected events.

Monday February 22nd 2010

The wheels of change rotated and creaked into motion, first thing the on Monday – via my inbox.

After dating for over a year, and without any warning, my girlfriend decided it was best if we broke up. There was nothing sinister about it, she simply came to the conclusion things had run their course, even if I didn’t at the time. Over the past 12 months, was I good boyfriend? Definitely. Could I have been a better boyfriend? Unquestionably. I genuinely can’t pinpoint the reason we broke up to a specific event or situation – the time had come it seemed, to simply move on

We had a fantastic ride along the way though, we really really did – some of our memories will stay with me forever. We had a deep shared interest in art, fashion, movies and music, but ultimately none of it proved enough to make it a longstanding union – sometimes you just have to accept the situation for what it truly is.

She taught me so many things, many of them indirectly, about how the world isn’t always black and white, that less is more, that being subtle and shy are two totally different things, how sometimes its ok to not be 100% in control, to see where life takes you, and that above all, how you should always strive to do something that makes you happy. That sound obvious I know, but it’s easy to lose sight of that at times, it’s easy to get caught up in other people’s demands of you and be swayed by the lure of what’s expected.

But when I reflect on the time she and I spent together, the experienced we shared, the funny conversations we had, our common bond and secret love for lame rom-coms – I do so, without any regret, ill feeling or sense of injustice. It’s always a very sad and disheartening situation when you break up, especially with someone you have vast affection for and after such a long time. Yet there’s no easy way to tell someone you don’t love them anymore, either way you’re both going to get hurt. And whilst receiving the news via an e-mail wasn’t ideal – and after countless nights staring at the ceiling wondering we could have done differently, in the long run I think she inevitably made the right choice.

She’s now on a different path and I’m on an different trajectory entirely, but all you can ask for anyone you truly care about, is that they find happiness both within themselves and with someone who will love them equally. Two people that give each other butterflies every time they see one another. We had that, yet somewhere along the line, lost it.

But I do hope one day she will once again feel those fuzzy butterflies swirling around her tummy  and on that occasion, be able to hold onto them for good.

Wednesday February 24th (2 days later)

A mere two days later, at 10am as I sat at my desk staring out across Sydney’s rooftops, I got a hurried SMS from Jules (my Dad’s wife) along the lines of “Need to speak ASAP”. 6 weeks previously, I was with my Dad in the UK celebrating his birthday, wedding and bringing in the New Year. As many of you know, he was in poor health then, but the worst case was that he would have another 3-6 months. I told him that I would come back, to be by his side during those last few days.

But I never got the chance.

I left the office (walking down the same street after my ill-fated meeting with the boss) and made the call to the UK. I expected to hear “He’s suddenly got worse, you should come back soon.”

When I answered all I heard was

“Hey Alex, I’m so sorry but your Dad died today. Peacefully in bed with Beth and I by his side. I was talking to him and I said, if you want to go, you can…he squeezed my hand and with that he took a deep breath and exhaled. The curtain near the open window shifted at the very moment and we both knew that his spirit had literally floated out of the room. It was so peaceful. Tonight, when you’re by yourself, I’m telling everyone who knew him, to raise a glass to the sky and gave him one final toast – as he sets out on his next sailing adventure or hunt up there.” and then she and I both dissolved into tears, broken words and unfinished sentences.

I can’t really describe the sheer weight news like that has on you, it’s as if everything literally becomes frozen in time. The world stops spinning and everything falls silent. You’re standing there just reeling from it, as a myriad of emotions pan around you – like some unnaturally lucid dream.

As the tears started to seep into the screen of my BlackBerry, I messaged my boss and said “My Dad just died. Going home.” and I didn’t return to my desk for 4 weeks. I literally just left everything hanging in midair, stumbled home in an utter daze and booked my flights.

So there you have it, the first chapter as it were – as I recount these past 58 days.

6 days into it, a girlfriend who decided I wasn’t the one and a father who was given the timely and gentle release of death. They say change happens often all at once, but even I found that all just too much to handle, I was utterly overwhelmed and overpowered by it all. My life, was suddenly was filled with sadness and loss in the space of six dramatic unexpected days.

Not the ideal way to start 2010 admittedly, but trust me – things do get a little better in my next chapter. They couldn’t get much worse after all.

Thanks, as always, for taking the time and for being here for me,
Alex

This particular blog entry, however, is about the second part of my holiday in Melbourne (not my most recent trip) and if I don’t write it down now, I think it will fade from the annuals of my memory entirely (especially as the past few weeks have become nothing more than a frenetic blur.) So I’m going to just dive straight in (Alzheimer’s permitting), from where I left off last time.

So, day number two in Melbourne commence with a brisk and vigorous search for breakfast in the city. As I’m sure you’ve been told, Melbourne has a wealth of cafes dotted between various side streets and alleys, perfect for that mid morning brekkie urge, when you’ve woken up with the munchies and an intoxicating need for bacon.

After looking at the menu at Hairy Canary (I don’t know why you’d name a cafe that either, but there you go) it instantly got our seal of approval. Their menu laid out a utopian breakfast in such yummy and intricate detail, that it actually made you MORE hungry as you were reading it.

Perfect way to start, what would become a busy Sunday.

(Or so I thought.)

I sat there, partially drooling, my mind clouded with thoughts of the wondrous gourmet feast about to make love to my eyes, the sizzling bacon, the warm fluffy scrambled eggs & the crunchy sourdough toast.

And then, without warning,  I was suddenly hauled back to reality, with a stiff and firm clunk. My ‘breakfast’ had finally decided to emerge from its former home, the clattering & quarrelsome kitchen.

I’d chosen the “Big Brekkie”, which essentially is bacon, roasted tomato, sausages and eggs – a heart-attack on a plate I’m well aware, but so utterly amazing you’re willing to run the risk.

Well, usually.

However, the big brekkie that half-heartedly stared back at me, wasn’t ANYTHING like I’d imagined. Served in a mini frying pan, everything was literally fused together, in a sort of pan-fried vomit ensemble.

The eggs were poached (not scrambled) the bacon was mere strips of fat in disguise, the tomato looked like it had been microwaved to within an inch of it’s life and the sausages took the form of some strange phallic-shaped Spanish salami.

W.T.F indeed.

Apparently, at least for the chef’s at Hairy Canary, this is gourmet breakfast Melbourne style. But as I nervously poked and prodded at it, my stomach rumbled with the almost instant realization, that it was going to have to go on being hungry for a little while longer.

I left the Hairy Canary feeling almost as empty, as when I went in. Not the ideal start to the day I’m sure you’ll agree.

Along with it’s cafe culture and boutique fashion stores, Melbourne is also predominantly known for embracing of all things arty. If you’re an artist (in whatever form) in Melbourne, you will get numerous fuzzy hugs from the arts council and even more opportunities to display your wares.

There are galleries, live venues and stand-up clubs all scattered around the city – infinitely  more than there is in Sydney. In fact,  even graffiti is promoted as a tourist feature and in the case of Melbourne at least, with good reason.

There’s the famous ACDC Lane (named after the band) which showcases some of the cities upcoming graffiti artists, but there’s several other lane-ways and passages nearby which are home to hundreds of vastly more intricate and interesting characters. Each have been spray painted with care, ablaze in colour with many of them peaking from behind recently pasted band posters.

You can tell many of these wonderful and often mischievous characters are the result of a generation who’s youth was spent watching trippy 80’s cartoons, daily doses of  Seseme Street and endless hours spent playing Mario Brothers, Pac-Man, Sonic The Hedgehog, Alex Kidd and Donkey King.

You can see more images from the streets of Melbourne, in the slideshow at the bottom of this blog and here

Now we’ve covered ’static’ art in Melbourne, it seems only appropriate that I shed a bit of light on some ‘moving’ art we took in as well. Centrally located, the Australian Center For The Moving Image (more commonly know as ACMI) really was a highlight of the trip.

Admittedly, it’s name is rather pretentious, but once you get inside the center itself, it all begins to make sense. Throughout the entire exhibit, the history of “the moving image” is showcased. From its initial incarnation of shadows and puppets, through to the arrival of TV, its expansion into movies, strobe lights, delay effects all of which which lead onto video games, personal computers, the birth of the Internet, wireless devices and motion capture technology.

And far from being one of those tedious galleries where there are simply pictures and information heavy wall mounted plaques everywhere, the ACMI has models you could touch, twist, turn, rotate, pull, press and interact with.

ACMI – Matrix Stop Motion

Alex | MySpace Video

We even shamelessly played a few rounds of Pong, danced in front of a screen as giant Godzilla shaped shadow (complete with sound effects) and jumped very briefly into a starring role in The Matrix movie.

It’s the type of place where as a kid, you’d be unable to contain yourself, destined to walk around with your eyes wide open and a huge smile swept across your face and in fact, even as an adult, you’d be hard pressed not be impressed by the sheer fun and trip down memory lane on offer.

Next door was an exhibition by NZ artist Len Lye. Now I freely admit I’d never heard of the chap, indeed when I walked into the first room featuring his work, I rashly came to that conclusion as to why that was.

Projected onto the walls, was a collection of video displays featuring various coloured slides and shapes, in random patterns. It was tedious, directionless and incredibly uninspiring all at that same time. “I could have done that.” I thought and judging by the disappointed and weary looks from everyone else in the room, they all collectively agreed.

But how silly I was judge Len Lye with such flippant disregard, because as I rounded the corner into the second room, I was greeted with a spectacle that really did make change my opinion of him a complete 180 degrees.

The room was covered in dark grey carpet surrounded by even darker walls, 6 or so high intensity spotlights projected downwards onto 6 metal sculptures, all of which moved with a calm kinetic energy entirely of their own accord.

Sheets of metal that waved violently as you walked past, tiny strands of steels the width of your hair that shimmed as the air flow changed direction – it was as if every object had a personality, a mood and energy of its own. Beautifully done, crafted to perfection and mesmerising at the same time. The inanimate, literally coming to life.

The final part of the day, was spent under the band of a blurry rainbow, as we traversed some small market stalls, saw a lifesized cardboard castle / art installation (sounds exciting but it wasn’t lol) and then headed back late afternoon for a seriously yummy Mexican dinner in South Yarra.

Later that night we went and saw the second Marilyn Manson show in Melbourne (we had seats this time) and I have to stay it was a marked improved from the night previously. The band seemed to put more effort in and the sound was noticeably better. ( Still not a patch on the Sydney shows though.)

After the show, we found ourselves back at the Crown Casino (the only thing centrally located that was open past 11.30pm on a Sunday) having the few drinks in the lobby, surrounded by the constant whirring of machines and squeals of delight as people hit numerous jackpots.

There was even a famous b-grade actor floating around, I have no idea what his name was, but his ADDIDAS tracksuit and Brooklyn accent lead me to believe he was probably in The Soprano’s or another mafia / gangster affair. But probably the funniest part of the evening, was reserved for the food court at the casino.

Imagine the type of people you’d get in there at 2am, ties all loose, bloodshot eyes, empty wallets, high heels in hand, ordering kebabs and a chips whilst wearing suits and sequins! If I tried to remember all the wonderful characters that were stumbling around at that hour, I would be here forever – but the stand outs in my mind, would have to be the guy in the baby blue, one piece suit with trainers on and SERIOUSLY a cougar version of the lovable Vicky Pollard from Little Britain. I can’t tell how upset I was, that I didn’t have my camera on me

And then, Monday, quick breakfast in the city (yes, it was MUCH better than Hairy Canary I’m please to report) before leaping on the SkyBus and heading back to the airport.

It had a been a quick holiday, but a much needed break. I think looking back on it all, Yummy Yasmin and I really crammed in a lot of things during such a short stay, I only really went down to see Marilyn Manson, so it was great that we got to do all that extra stuff in between.

Melbourne then….would I live there? Probably not. But do I think it’s a great place to visit? Absolutely

Alex

You can see more photos from the trip here, or by hitting play on the slideshow below

So as many of you know, I’ve been living in the same place now for over 2 years in the city. My lease ran out several months ago, so it’s just rolling over. It means I can leave at any time with minimum notice, but that my landlord can increase my rent at any time – not the best of positions to be in.

As it stands renting a place is nigh on impossible in Sydney right now – which is why my rent has gone up 4 times in 2 years. 

Anyway, I got a letter recently with the new amount and when I worked it out, it came to over $50 per night. Which in my mind is a total joke considering the size of my place, but ultimately due to demand being so high, they can pretty much charge whatever they like.

I earn a decent wage for what I do, but due to my rent and cost of living being the bulk of my out-goings, I really struggle to save anything. The look on people’s faces when I tell them my monthly rent, really does speak volumes.

This is what I like to do with my pay every month.

If you live in an affluent suburb, the area surrounding it tends to be expensive, things like groceries, bars, shops etc. All of which combine to siphon as much of my hard earned cash away as they can.

So I’ve decided to move and move IN with somebody for a change. I’ve lived with girlfriends, best friends and randoms – so I’ve experienced it all.

Living by myself was something I needed to do, but I’ve got the t-shirt now and I’m a bit over it. Same route to the office, same faces, same restuarants, same scene. And now the increase in rent has just served as the catalyst. I don’t know where I’m going to move yet, I’ll tell you about it once I’m there. A place where a potential Ruffles could roam would be nice haha.

It’s been a good few years @ my present location, although I can’t actually believe I’ve lived here for 2.5 years. I’ve had some amazing memories (some haunting ones too) and I’m glad I’ve done it, but its time for something new. 

I’m going to find a change of scenery in the next month or so. I would invite you to a going-away party, but seeing as you can’t even swing a cat around in my place, it might be a trifle difficult haha. House warming though @ the new place? Definetly. Consider yourself on the list.

Actually, thinking about it maybe I should re-locate here who’s in?

Speak soon,
Alex

Well at least I do.

There is something delightfully magical about the start of a new year don’t you think? It’s not just a date on a calender, many see it as the opportunity to improve, make amends, challenge and grow themselves. I’m certainly looking forward to doing all those things and more over the next 365 days. Those NYE resolutions will no doubt be tapping me on the shoulder from time to time. But for all the euphoria and enthusiasm a new dawn brings – its important to take the time to pause and reflect on the year that was 2008.

It was the year America gained a decorum of respect from the world, by electing Barack Obama, a man with intellect, governed by an astute sense of calmness, mixed with a fierce resolve of integrity and compassion. A uniter, not a fighter if you like, with a genuine passion for looking at what is best, not just for the United States, but the world at large.

“I won’t be a perfect president, he had warned during the campaign, but promised this: I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.”

Can you ever imagine Dubya giving such an inspirational speech?

Thought not.

On a personal level, it’s been a year which has been as challenging as it has frustrating. Yet my holiday to Palm Cove was not only restorative, but allowed me to gain perspective on everything that was happening around me. I’ve had poor health this year, diagnosed with high cholesterol, my teeth needing major work and the daily pain of my lower back – all contributing factors there. Damaged goods as they say!

Until a few months ago, I had become disillusioned at work, a side effect of never truly having any separation from it (I live 6 minutes from the office) and ultimately failing to maintain that much heralded ‘work/life’ balance. If you commit to something so intensely, putting in the extra hours, truly living and breathing it, it fast becomes to the detriment of your own mental health – I see that now. I’m extremely fortunate my friends and family helped me recognize that, because without taking that holiday I genuinely feel that I was weeks away from a total meltdown, mentally & physically.

2.5 years without a holiday, working up to 60 hours a week, no matter who you are, will cause you to burn out.

There’s been some highlights of course, learning to cook for myself was a 2008 resolution which through the kindness of my friends I was able to achieve. Lending or buying me cook books, even giving me lessons, have now ensured that although I am no master chef, my ability now expands beyond the microwave ready meal!

I starred in my own TV Show, which was both a taxing and exciting experience. Not many people get that kind of opportunity, and I’m glad I got out of my comfort zone and tried my hand at something new and utterly alien to me. I need to do more things like that in 2009 I feel.

Speaking of 2009, I’m going to put my personal site back up online. There are so many web 2.0 platforms out there, MySpace, Facebook, Wordpress, Twitter, YouTube, Virb, Flickr, Photobucket, MSN Live Spaces, Bebo, LiveJournal, Buzznet – the list is endless. I’m on most but there is no centralized location where all my friends are or where my family can access my life without having to login to a variety of sites.

So I’m going to launch my personal site again, which will aggregate and be integrated into as many of these other networks as possible. So it will be a one-stop location, which will pull feeds and automatically update itself with my current activity – from any number of those networks. Fingers crossed, I’ll have it cooking within the first quarter of the year I hope.

A friend recently told me that, they wanted to have more levels in their life, more interests and options, so that when one thing isn’t going so well, they had other avenues to immerse themselves in. It prevents you from obsessing about one particular element in your life. After all, variation is the key ingredient needed to become a well-rounded individual is it not?

For example, if you’re overloaded at work, worn out and stressed, at least you could go and burn off some of that energy by playing tennis on Wednesdays afterwards or seeking a distraction in the form of going rock-climbing or dirt bike riding.

I really feel I lacked that in 2008 – that missing factor. I haven’t written music for over 8 months, even my other creative outlets such as photography, and design have all slowed down to. Hamstrung by over-tiredness, apathy, and downright lazyness. Don’t even get me started on playing sport!

So I want to do more this year, mix it up again, rather than constantly bounce around between work, the bar and the Xbox. I miss creating music and art, and whilst I don’t think I excel at them especially, I have a natural affinity in those areas and I enjoy both immensely. Could 2009 by the year I start to paint????

But just before I go, I want to say a very sincere and genuine thank you for everything you’ve done for me this year, for your kindness and patience, your thoughtfulness & advice, the laughs, drinks and hugs we’ve shared – and everything in between. I know I haven’t been the most active friend in 2008, and that over the past 12 months I’ve gone a bit AWOL, not returning phonecalls, canceling meet-ups or not replying to messages and I’m truly sorry for that.

You deserve better and I need to change that. 2009 is that year my friends.

Stay Safe,
Alex